Heaven on Earth

I am so thankful for my beloved babies. They have changed my whole game... my life as I knew it, my future as I anticipated it, my happiness as I saw it.

I am sharpened, calmed, centered, challenged, stretched, loved, encouraged, humbled, revealed, and made strong by Christ through His use of them in my life.

How I see the face of Almighty God so much more clearly after becoming a mother! What an indescribable, unforeseeable gift.

My darling Audrey challenges my limits as they are and points me toward what they righteously should be. She reminds me of innocent girlhood--that childlike imagination, seeing through a lens that reveals the world to be good, wholesome, and inspiring. The world is her oyster, and she loves waking up every morning. Even so, she is smart and intuitive. When I respond to her and embrace her little heart, I can visibly see her unfold and unwind until she has relaxed all of her weight into my embrace. These times are rare. And it's like watching a mirror image of myself as even a grown woman, letting all my walls down in the presence of El Roi. The God who sees.

I get her, I understand her. She makes me want to be a better person. A better woman. A better example.

My sweet baby Beau, who is not as baby as he is toddler anymore, is literally a little piece of heaven sent to me to hold and kiss and claim as my own. The pure emotion of love and happiness I feel when I am with him is very difficult to put into words. He is truly an extraordinary child. When Beau was three days old, a friend of mine told me that he is very peaceful and she wondered if that might be a God-given gift he'd harbor forever. I think she's on to something. His demeanor and expressions reflect a specific gentleness, softness, and sweetness. He reminds me that nothing is really as important as how we interact with each other... that the most important thing truly is that we love each other as God has called us to do. All else can wait. Our focus and attention throughout our lives should be on each other. Philippians 2.

I desperately wish he'd stay soft and squeezable forever. I could drown him in kisses everyday, I love him so much.

My firstborn son, Benjamin, reminds me to be kind with my words, humble in my heart and intentional in my teaching. He is eager for knowledge and incredibly tenderhearted. He is very busy in his little world, and while he may not be the first to ask for a soft-touch, he responds to one beautifully. He reminds me of the simplicity of human design and the basics of what we all crave--someone to see us for who we truly are and embrace us even more eagerly. In his tenderness, he challenges me to be tender. And he's not in a hurry. Ever. It is a blessed reminder. If God wanted to send me a tenderhearted, inquisitive 5-year-old boy to pull me out of my tunnel vision and remind me to slow down, then I accept. A thousand times.

My heart can't help but break a little when I remember this fallen world we live in. The things my children will see and hear...the battles they will have to fight. The other children out there who need a mommy who loves Jesus and a daddy who delights in them... It is, no doubt, the hardest reality for me to face now.

"When everything was hopeless, Abraham believed anyway, deciding to live not on the basis of what he saw he couldn't do, but on what God said He would do. " Romans 4:17

So I will not be caught up by the darkness of this world. Instead, I fervently pray for their souls, their hearts, their minds. That they seek the Lord with everything they have and follow Him all the days of their lives.

"She was deeply distressed and prayed to the Lord and wept bitterly. And she vowed a vow and said, 'O Lord of hosts, if you will indeed remember me and not forget your servant, but will give your servant a son, then I will give him to the Lord all the days of his life...'" 1 Samuel 1:10-12

This is my prayer. To give back fully that which He has given me. Three of them to be exact! May I always see them and treat them the way Jesus sees them and treats them. He is:

gentle
loving
firm
graceful
available
engaged
comforting
understanding
bold
righteous
soft
selfless
delighted by me
intentional
preparing me
joyful
safe
warm
refreshing
light
constant
present
whole

To be a better person, woman, friend, teacher, mommy--all I have to do is look to Him.

Excerpts From My Diary: I Choose.

As I write, my sweet two-year-old Benjamin is laying in his bed for the night, singing the alphabet song to his stuffed animals before falling asleep. I can tell he's tired by the way his letters keep getting further and further apart.

It's right where I want to be.

I am exhausted.Worn out. Disheartened by my inability to be all places, in all roles, doing all things at once. I am beginning to realize how God uses motherhood as a humbling journey in my life. A continuous humbling experience that will likely never end. I welcome it. Why do I try so hard to do so many things and spread myself so thin? How I long to simplify my life. Leave my pride at the door. Fully trust that Christ will smooth my wrinkles and lift my burden. That He will meet the needs of those around me--as it is a lie that I could be capable of such a task. How I long to soak in the sweet pleasures my children and husband bring...

...The joy that seeps from Audrey as she lights up when I enter the room, and rushes as fast as she can on her unsteady feet to be in my arms. Benjamin, as he draws near to me and says, "Can I hold you, Mommy?" Mark, as he catches my eye and we share a second of unified bliss in the midst of the craziness. I desperately desire to bathe in these moments--to photograph them and write them down, as if to stamp them on my mind and heart forever.

It seems as though a thousand things and a thousand people are trying to steal these moments of joy and all the time I have--leaving me empty and dry and void of truth. The Word calls it the flaming arrows of the Evil One. He's really good at distraction from all things eternal. And I am juggling too many balls right now. My priorities are out of order. But I feel sandwiched, trapped. I need the strength of God and the words of the Holy Spirit to get me through. To seal my time for His will and purpose. To hide my memories and thoughts deep in my soul, only to be pulled out in opportune time.

I pray each night that God make me a better mommy. A patient mom, a playful mom, a kind mom, an intentional mom, a wise and respectful mom. I know that I am simply not these things. I'm just not. But He is. And He promises to give strength to the weary and direction to those who need it.

I choose to trust and accept grace. I choose to leave my pride at the door and say no to time thieves.

I choose.

Meet lil' Beau Vernon Davis

We had a big party planned for the afternoon of June 8th. Loads of guests were invited over to celebrate our 3rd pregnancy and to see our newly purchased house, in what was so cleverly being called a BabyQ. (Baby shower BBQ--hee hee!) Well, little did we know that the little tyke inside had his own party planned. (Or that he was a boy!)

So, we greeted a few of the early guests and ended up leaving for the hospital at 3:30p, only to have little Beau Vernon Davis at 4:34p. 

He weighed in perfectly at 6 lbs, 6 oz and measured 19 inches tall. He literally has the longest toes of any baby I've ever seen. I think he's going to be tall like his daddy. So here's to my third child--an amazing blessing and a symbol of the clear calling God has asked of me. Now I have triple the joy--Benjamin Anthony, Audrey Jean & Beau Vernon!

*Note: I realize it's been nearly two years since I blogged. We've had a lot happen since then... big moves, new babies, and new beginnings! This is the first time in a long while that I have had some down time and a sound mind to share my thoughts. Enjoy!

Right now I am sitting at The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf sipping the most scrumptious latte... all by myself. It feels like paradise. Bliss, I tell you. The truth is, this mama does her best when she's had a healthy dose of solitude from the rest of the world. A break to breathe. To close her eyes and reflect. To remember why. To seek the Father and let go of all she holds too tightly. And to ponder old memories.

Memories such as those sweet days just after we brought Benjamin home from the hospital. We would go to my favorite Japanese Starbucks and I would catch a single hour of outside contact and reading while that little 5-pound boy slept soundly in his carseat. I did that nearly everday, and it was healing to my soul.

I'm not sure that will be a luxury I can afford this next go-round, so I'll just have to hold tight to its memory.

LJ

Exerpts From My Diary: No Words

There are no words to accurately describe motherhood. We try and prepare them--these young women and expecting mothers. We do our very best to paint a picture that includes the combination of love, joy, hard work, frustraton, anxiety, pride, anticipation for each new milestone, excitement over the smallest victories, and amusement we all feel (at the same time). But I have yet to hear a description that does the experience justice.

God says in his Word that we who love him cannot even fathom the great things he has planned for us. This is very exciting to me because I'm constantly amazed with his goodness already! He just knows me so well. When I got married, I couldn't believe how good it felt to be one with this incredible person--this most handsome, talented and exceptional man. To experience a sense of unity that is so pure and right, yet rather scandalous at the same time, is quite an adventure. And then, to face all the unknowns of pregnancy and the birth of our premature baby with the realization that anything could happen at any moment... it's nerve-racking to say the least! But that was just a preview into what it's like to raise a child. Because that is how motherhood has been for me so far--every second of it. It seems like I don't go a single day without a million little reminders that I'm not in control. It's amazing how little control we actually have, isn't it? In fact, the only way I can deal with it is through healthy doses of laughter, tears, and prayer. :)

Does anyone else so often feel like motherhood is this beautiful, surreal, thick fog? I am constantly not sure of what to make of this new reality in my life. Here is this amazing, innocent, sweet, small boy (the most handsome one around, I might add) locking eyes with mine, and we can't help but break into these big grins... we're simply in love with each other. He is so smart, and growing so fast--his independence is blossoming every moment as he discovers what he can do. His hair is like a shiny penny, his skin is soft and white, and his eyes are a warm brown that just exude his tender spirit. He's never in a hurry, but always very busy--analyzing his surroundings, taking it all in, touching each thing carefully. My friend Corrie says, "He's very wise." :)

How could I ever take credit for this complex and wonderful creature? I am simply along for the ride.
I can pray.
I can trust.
I can pass along what little I know.
But what else is there? He is the Lord's. And I learn more from him each day than he probably ever learns from me.

The challenge, I've found, is to be intentional. Isn't it always? Intentional about living in the moment and enjoying today, while still thinking about and planning for the future... Both must be done. And equally well. And being intentional about parenting is no different. Yet, at the end of each day, I must relax--because I am not in control of little Ben or his future. The Lord is. If you think about it... that is so refreshing!

So I'll do my best as a mother, a leader, a friend... and beyond that I have to trust that God sees what I can't, and he fills the needs that I can't. And in that, I know Benjamin will be just fine.

Happy 1st Birthday, Benjamin!

If you're like me, you can't believe it either... It's true. My sweet Benjamin Anthony turns 1 year today! I can't even put into words how good God is. His hand has been on little Ben since day one, and my gratitude abounds. 

The following pictures show a piece of his journey from the early days in the NICU to now, standing big and tall. Born at just 2 pounds, 9 ounces, Benjamin came three months early and surprised us all. But he was a fighter, and just two months later, and two days before Christmas, he got to come home.

Always a good sleeper, always a bit feisty, and always perfect in our eyes.

 His facial expressions will melt your heart!

A big, strong, cuddly, happy boy!

Who could ask for more?

LJ

The Universal Need

"You've got to hear this one song. It'll change you're life, I swear."  -Garden State

I'm kind of a music snob (in the words of my friend Neisha), and I often come across amazing songs I want the whole world to hear. So what better place than here! This particular one is a favorite of mine, and it truly reflects the heart of Christ. Just press play on the ipod at the bottom. Enjoy.


Everybody
by Ingrid Michaelson

We have fallen down again tonight,
In this world it's hard to get it right.
Trying to make your heart fit like a glove,
What you need is love, love, love.

Everybody, everybody wants to love,
Everybody, everybody wants to be loved.

Happy is the heart that still feels pain,
Darkness drains and light will come again.
Swing open up your chest and let it in,
Just let the love, love, love begin.

Everybody knows the love,
Everybody holds the love,
Everybody folds for love.

Everybody feels the love,
Everybody steals the love,
Everybody heals with love.

Just let the love, love, love begin

Dare to Risk

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach for another is to risk involvement.
To expose your ideas, your dreams, before a crowd is to risk their loss.
To love is to risk not being loved in return.
To believe is to risk failure.

But risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing. The people who risk nothing, have nothing, do nothing, are nothing. They may avoid suffering and sorrow, but they cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love, live. Chained by their attitudes, they are slaves; they have forfeited their freedom.

Only a person who risks is free.

-Author Unknown-

The Need For Speed

By Laura Davis

When Kurt and Alison Noyce saw their son for the first time, he stood outside alone amid a plethora of colorful wet clothing hung out to dry. All the other orphans were napping, but he had stayed up because he knew his new parents were coming to get him. Three-year-old Jemburu wore the Red Sox shirt they had sent him.

As soon as little Jemburu spotted his new mom and dad, he ran full speed toward them—and then straight past them, says Alison Noyce with a laugh. Finally, she scooped him up and hugged him tight.

“He kept leaning back to look at us…reaching for Kurt and then back for me,” Noyce says. “He wouldn’t let us interact with any other children. A little girl came over and wanted to hold my hand and I thought he was going to punch her. When we came home, he’d say, ‘Don’t look at my mom, look at your own mom’ in the grocery store. It took several months for him to let his guard down.”

Noyce and her husband have adopted two boys from Ethiopia—Mikias was almost 5 years old when they brought him home, and Jemburu was nearly 4.

“When I first took [Mikias] to the supermarket I thought he was going to pass out!” says Noyce. “He was throwing himself on the produce. I think it was a survival mechanism.”

“I think they were desperate to have this life,” Noyce says.

Four million children, just like Jemburu and Mikias, are orphaned in Ethiopia—around 12 percent of the total child population, according to the United Nations Children’s Fund (UNICEF). These children face a host of challenges from the moment they are born. UNICEF reports that malnutrition is the cause of over half of all deaths among children 5 years old and under in Ethiopia, and the number of continually malnourished children remains considerably high despite aid efforts. Easily-treatable illnesses such as dehydration and diarrhea are responsible for roughly 20 percent of deaths in children under the age of 5. And the AIDS epidemic in Africa has hit Ethiopia hard. UNICEF states that half of a million Ethiopian orphans have lost one or both parents to the disease; 120,000 of them are living with HIV themselves.

Jody Britton is the mother of three biological children and one adopted child named Malachi; and she is in the process of adopting a second child. Britton and her husband finally brought Malachi home from Ethiopia when he was just over a year old. He had been found abandoned with no clue as to how old he was or what happened to his family. Judging by his teeth, those at the orphanage guessed he was around 7 months old when found, says Britton.

As more and more people learn about orphans in Ethiopia and the poverty levels they face, the number of Ethiopian adoptions continues to rise. According to the U.S. Department of State, Americans adopted over 2,500 children from Ethiopia last year. That is a 5000 percent increase in just over 10 years. But that number may drop significantly this year because of some legal changes.

To handle the flow, the Ethiopian Ministry of Women’s, Children’s and Youth Affairs (MOWCYA) was established to review each adoption case after the match with prospective adoptive parents, and after the final court’s approval for a new birth certificate and passport for the child.

Cory Barron, director of Children’s Hope International adoption agency, says because the number of adoptions has grown considerably, MOWCYA “didn’t have the resources to do the volume they had coming in—so they limited the number.”

This past March, when officials at MOWCYA announced they would process no more than five adoptions per day, they claimed they were doing so to improve screening methods and to extend their resources to children in need.

As a result, the Joint Council on International Services projected delays in the adoption process amounting to one or more years.

Hollen Frazier, the executive director of All God’s Children International adoption agency, says she hasn’t seen the process slow down that drastically, but waiting periods have increased.

Frazier says it is not yet clear how these changes will affect everyone involved. Families adopting through All God’s Children International this year have experienced between 18 and 24 months for the process to be completed from start to finish. But Frazier says the agency is preparing families to expect longer even though they haven’t seen an extreme delay.

“With the changes, we’ve added an entire year to the process at this time,” Frazier says.

Shortly after MOWCYA’s announcement and in lieu of growing concerns over ethical practices, officials from U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services went to Ethiopia to evaluate the Ethiopian adoptions program. While they acknowledge that a single review of the program cannot give definitive results, they concluded that the majority of Ethiopian children adopted by U.S. citizens do, indeed, meet the definitions of orphan and are approved as such. In the briefing issued on April 6, officials at USCIS confirmed that they support the continuation of the inter-country adoption program in Ethiopia and agreed to keep sharpening analysis of each case that comes through the U.S. Embassy in efforts to help MOWCYA’s defense against corruption.

And it seems the Ethiopian government is continuing to make changes on behalf of those efforts. On Aug. 3, the U.S. State Department confirmed the closure of several orphanages in Ethiopia because their practices were not up to MOWCYA standards.

Director Frazier says she “cringes” when she hears news reports of adoption process delays. She says just recently they received a child who had been abandoned shortly after birth and left alone under a tree between two rocks. “The need is huge,” she says.

“There are still orphans in Ethiopia,” says Frazier. ”Any time you say you’re going to just slow the process, that’s not a child-centered approach. To keep them even a day longer—you see that options get minimized and orphans suffer for it.”

With solid processes and requirements in place, along with little proof of fraudulent activity, it may be time to shift the focus toward the other needs of the children—such as proper nutrition, medical care, education, and a sense of belonging. Needs that can be met by waiting families.

Adoption Ministry YWAM-Ethiopia operates four different orphanages in Ethiopia and works with different adoption agencies to place children with families.

Administrator Becky Burns says while her agency welcomes careful scrutiny and concern over ethical adoption processes, children coming from Ethiopia—even the babies— have severe attachment and bonding issues.

“Our main priority is to get them placed,” Burns says.

Noyce, also a popular blogger, can attest to the bonding issues her own sons have from their orphan years. “Some of the children who have been neglected and shut away are so damaged and it’s heartbreaking,” she says.

“Jemberu often makes statements to me that he knows are not true,” She writes on her blog. “Most of them start with variations of…’Remember when I was a baby..’ My response goes something like, ‘Honey, you know I wasn't your Mumma when you were a baby’. Which leads him to say, 'Just pretend'. Then we imagine what he was like together.”

Sometimes bureaucratic decisions leave little leeway for negotiations, but there are other ways families and those interested in Ethiopian adoptions can influence wait times.

Director Barron says other variables—such as requests for a specific age or gender-- affect wait-times as well. “Parents who are more specific wait longer typically,” Barron says. “If a family is open to any child, the waiting periods go down.”

Britton describes her experience when she went to Ethiopia to get Malachi. “I saw firsthand the older kids that had no hope,” Britton says. “You would walk in and have every child pulling and tugging at you calling you mom and dad hoping that you’d pick them.”

In fact, babies are the most likely to get adopted. According to the Adoption Institute, 46 percent of children adopted are less than one year old, and 90 percent of children adopted are under the age of 5. This means that every passing moment lowers the odds of adoption for a waiting orphan.

As an adoptive mother, Noyce advises other child-seeking parents to broaden their criteria for orphans as much as possible.

“People should be open to those waiting,” Noyce says. “Don’t limit yourself. Consider children who are already waiting for families.”

###

Do you have a desire to adopt? Why or why not?

Not To Be Taken Lightly

by Laura Davis

As she headed out the door on her way to a concert that night, Rachel Conner, 14, got a call from her classmate’s mother. Conner knew her friend was sick, but everyone thought her 65-pound weight had something to do with a digestive disorder. As it turns out, she was suffering from anorexia nervosa.

“I was shocked,” Conner says. For the duration of their middle school years, Conner says her friend often called herself “too fat” and didn’t eat much when they were together. After learning of the disorder, the doctor put her friend through therapy to help her gain more weight.

In the following months, Conner occasionally asked her friend about it. “Every time we talk about it she says she isn’t doing it to herself,” Conner says. “It makes me really sad.”

The second time, her classmate’s father called. Less than a year had gone by, and her friend was back in the hospital—weighing below 70 pounds once again.

With the first day of school just around the corner, many teenage girls are anticipating how they will fix their hair, what outfit they will wear, and how they’ll cover up that zit that just keeps coming back. There is an unspoken rule in the air—one that begs each girl to do whatever it takes to have the “perfect image” as Conner and her peers call it.

The Pressure

Lauren Hunter, an incoming freshman at Standley Lake High School in Westminster, Colo., says out of all the expectations facing teenage girls today, “being skinny” is the biggest one.

Hunter’s best friend and classmate, Hannah Lynch, agrees.

By promoting everything from hair straighteners to mascara for longer eyelashes, “Everything in society breaks down everything original and sort of pushes you in a direction that will make you more attractive,” says 14-year-old Lynch. “As a community of girls, we strive to seem flawless…to be the main attraction.”

“Girls expect it from themselves when they see it everywhere,” Hunter says. “It’s all about acceptance.”

And it’s true that teenage girls do see it everywhere. According to the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders (ANAD), nearly 70 percent of girls between the ages of 10-18 say their view of the ideal body shape is largely influenced by magazine pictures. However, the typical body image portrayed in the media naturally occurs in only five percent of American females.

High school freshman Cassandra Garcia says she believes fashion trends and expectations are set by celebrities featured in magazines.

“Skinny jeans are totally in, I think it’s because a lot of celebrities wear them,” Garcia says. “It makes us want to look like them even though they’re airbrushed.”

But it’s not just magazines that influence appearance standards for teenage girls. Hunter and her friends list other factors, such as boys, music, television, and even parents’ expectations that help form their perspectives of the perfect image.

Flatirons Community Church Youth Leader, Paul Andrews, has 28 years of experience working with teenagers and four daughters of his own. Although the pressure facing freshman girls is new to them, Andrews says the demand to look beautiful has always been there.

“Women are always judged first based on their appearance because men are naturally wired to see that first,” Andrews says. “And women deep down have an incredible desire to be cherished and loved by men. So the fastest way to get that is to dress or look the part.”

But because of the technology teenagers have access to these days, the problem is getting worse, Andrews says.

“They are being pounded on a daily basis… at home with 300 channels, even on their cell phones,” says Andrews. “It’s everywhere. There’s a constant feeling of inadequacy and how they don’t measure up. They are constantly reminded of what they are lacking.”

The Effects

Appearance pressures facing high school freshmen today can be devastating.

Khampiane Keoeonexay, a teacher at The Manning School in Golden, Colo. describes some of the ways these expectations affect her students and how some of the girls handle them.

“It makes their priorities shift—school falls by the wayside and boys become priority,” Keoeonexay says. “Cutting, bulimia, anorexia—I see that with girls as young as middle school, as well as being withdrawn and depressed.”

In fact, the ANAD states that “over one-half of teenage girls use unhealthy weight control behaviors such as skipping meals, fasting, smoking cigarettes, vomiting, and taking laxatives.”

Youth Leader Andrews says one of the major differences he observes in teenagers entering high school is the change in priorities.

“Friends’ opinions begin to hold more weight than anyone else’s,” Andrews says.

He says he believes there is combination of factors involved. In middle school, pressures exist; but students are still closely tied to their parents. Upon entering high school however, students naturally begin to break away from their parents, Andrews says. Combine their independence with the pressure to be well-liked, and some girls begin to “sacrifice who they are.”

Lynch’s father, Michael, says he observes ways in which his daughter faces these pressures and how she handles it.

“I’ve seen her in different situations when she’s going to be out with friends,” Michael Lynch says. “She takes extra care in preparation. Just going to the mall she feels she has to be something more. I’ve also seen her with her parents alone and she has been depressed, feeling like she’s not accepted [or] beautiful enough.”

Watching his youngest daughter enter high school, Michael Lynch says he feels as though it’s a losing battle because, as parents, it seems “sometimes our voice is discounted because society has such a louder voice.”

The Solution

Teacher Keoeonexay says what’s important is “making sure they know there are more important things out there than being thin.”

“Kids need to build their self-esteem with better friends or events that inspire them,” Keoeonexay says.

14-year-old Conner says her parents and music help her remember what’s true about herself when she feels down.

“The music I listen to is rather self-empowering,” Conner says. “And my parents are really supportive. They compliment me and tell me I look beautiful. I don’t go a day without my dad saying, ‘You look so pretty.’”

Youth Leader Andrews advises parents with children going to high school this year to make sure they have other adult leaders in their lives to help reinforce what’s important.

“The more you hear the truth, the more you’re able to combat the lies.” Andrews says.

Hannah Lynch recommends that teenage girls look for the things about themselves they love. And if they can’t find any, she says they should talk to a trusted friend.

“You can find so many things wrong about yourself,” Lynch says. “But almost anyone else sitting there can come up with five more good things back at you.”

###

The Need For Support

by Laura Davis

His eyes fell to the floor and he let out a sigh as he heard those same words again. Inside he could feel his heart begin to beat faster and his temperature rise. Yes, they were broke. He already knew that. And he knew that he and his family were going to have to make some sacrifices. But when David Kruhmin’s father-in-law recommended that he drop out of college until they became more financially stable, he felt yet another blow against his dream.

Kruhmin is not alone. Many adult students choosing to continue their education lack support from their families or friends.

According to the National Center for Education Statistics, 44 percent of the nearly 3 million first-time degree seekers who enrolled in college in 2008 did not return the following year. There is no doubt a variety of challenges can unexpectedly creep up in the lives of students and interfere with their goals. In fact, numerous students struggle for years to find the strength they need to overcome these challenges--especially adult learners with many other responsibilities. But a solid support system can help.

Kruhmin attended college soon after high school, but following the first semester he dropped out. He says he lacked guidance from his parents and wasn’t sure what he wanted to pursue. Seven years later, married and working as a full-time operations specialist at Bank of the West, he decided to go back to college to pursue an electronic engineering degree with a focus in aviation.

In response to his decision, Kruhmin’s wife, Brianna, was frustrated and unsupportive. At the time, she was pregnant with their first child and says her initial thought was, “Great timing. You’ve had all this time and now we’re having a baby.”

Kruhmin says he understands some of the logic behind the discouragement his family gives, but for him, “It’s imperative to continue for two reasons: to provide for my family and because it’s a personal goal.”

Air Force wife Natalia Lewis, 26, has a similar mentality.

Lewis says she didn’t have the financial means to go to college right after high school, but four years and two children later she enrolled as a part-time student at the University of Maryland University College to pursue a degree in psychology.
Lewis also runs a full-time home daycare and says the hardest part about going back to school later in life is the time commitment—especially when her husband is deployed for several months at a time. She says all her responsibilities often overwhelm her and are making her college experience less enjoyable than she expected.

Despite those persistent challenges, Lewis says it’s important to her to press forward toward the goal. “How am I going to tell my kid to go to college when mommy didn’t?” she says.

“I’m the type of person that appreciates encouraging words,” Lewis says. “They help me keep motivated.” And it is in those overwhelming moments after multiple nights of only four hours of sleep that she thrives off of the encouragement from those around her.

Some students found the lack of support they received as teenagers affected their choices regarding college when the time came, and as a result, they did not pursue their dreams until many years later.

This past year, after a 10-year education break, actor Joseph Gibson enrolled in the Academy of Art University in San Francisco, Calif. He says he wishes he would have returned sooner, and probably would have if he’d had the support of his family early on.

“My adoptive mom was very discouraging…It killed my spirit,” says Gibson.
As a result of his experience, Gibson says a good support system is necessary because the motivation, inspiration and encouragement from others drives people to focus on their talents.

Gibson says he realizes students aren’t “always going to have a good support system—there are always people who will stop the support when they begin to feel envious and threatened, but you have to push on.”

Karen Richmond, an adult outpatient therapist for Arapahoe Douglas Mental Health in Colorado, confirms that the more support people have, the more able they are to make significant changes in their lives.

“There’s a lot of research that’s shown that the more healthy relationships we have, the more likely we are to venture out and become successful,” Richmond says.
While some students rely on encouragement from friends and family less than other students, they still value social support.

Recent graduate April Summers, 25, says she doesn’t think “cheerleading support” from her parents and her husband, or lack thereof, had the biggest impact on her accomplishment. Yet throughout her college experience, she says she often wanted to give up. Ultimately she had to figure out what she wanted and get it done, but more support would have been nice, Summers says.

Similarly, Toni Sutton, a 25-year-old college sophomore and new mother, advises students to build support for themselves if they don’t have it. “Seek out the encouragement you need,” she says. “You have to find it. It doesn’t just fall into your lap."

The college environment is a perfect place to start looking for that encouragement says University of Maryland University College Advisor Alaina Keener. She advises support-seekers to connect with the others in their classes because those students are in the same position and can understand where they’re at.

Keener also urges students to stay connected with the academic advisors and career service counselors at their schools. Those people are there to help students determine and remember their goals if they are having a hard time, she says.

Therapist Richmond also offers tips for helping students develop healthy social support systems. If a student is lacking confidence, she recommends finding a support group within a church or other community of people.

“Www.meetup.com can be a great resource for finding a good support group,” Richmond says. “Utilizing the resources out there to foster support is a good way to go if students aren’t getting it from their immediate community.”

Kruhmin has done just that. With a group he calls the “Monday Knights,” Kruhmin says he has developed a strong support system of other guys—all of whom are now college graduates and are willing to be honest with him while still taking his goals and dreams as seriously as he does.

###

It's Not About Comfort

All 79 Airmen came decorated in their finest uniforms. Each one had endured a long and ruthless six-week training program that deprived them of sleep and time with their families. That $250 pay raise hadn't come easily. But all of them made it through and tonight we would celebrate their success.

Undoubtedly the most handsome man there, SSgt Mark Davis graduated ALS with the highest academic award and a distinguished graduate award. As he was making his way back to his seat with trophies in hand, multiple high-ranking officials made their way toward him to shake his hand and congratulate him with Air Force coins. I couldn't have been more proud.

I sat there in my new black dress and heels admiring these hard-working, humble men and women who serve our country with such pride. There is a specific environmental dynamic at every military event. Even though they all have a variety of jobs--from pilot to doctor to administrator--and everyone has their own beliefs and interests and friends, there's an overwhelming sense of unity. I'm often blown away by military members' willingness to sacrifice so much that I wonder why they're not all just walking around crying together and patting each other on the back. No, instead, it seems like they don't even think twice. The standard is what it is. The job requires XYZ and they just do what it takes to get it done.

The Air Force's core values are to hold to integrity first, service before self, and excellence in all we do. Those are pretty intense.

Jesus Christ maintained those same values. And he asks us to follow his actions and uphold them as well. In that, I'm reminded that life is not about being comfortable. In my own life, my prayers, my decisions, my complaints, my desires all center around my comfort. I just mentioned the word "my" six times. Yes, that is a direct reflection of what I'm talking about. I mean think about it. Aren't yours? How many times have you prayed these prayers: Dear God, please bless this food to our body; Please help us get there safely; Please allow me a good nights sleep tonight; Please help me feel better...

I don't mean to discount these prayers. Our loving Savior is ecstatic when we come to him at all, and he understands our nature. My point is how often we're praying for comfort and ourselves. Our thoughts, our feelings, our prayers revolve solely around us too much of the time.

And so I'm forced to ask myself...

When is the last time I got up in the morning determined to have an attitude of servanthood? That I consciously chose to put myself aside to serve another?

When is the last time I truly set out to serve my husband? To pay close attention to his needs? To pray for him?

When is that last time I looked outside my little house with my little family and group of friends to see who out there in the world is hurting and needs... a servant?

Being a part of the U.S. Military is an honorable job. And even though I'm just an Airman's wife, I'm often reminded of how good it feels to be part of something big, something good. How much greater a feeling to be part of God's kingdom! While at any time the Armed Forces of the good ol' USA could pass away or become corrupt, there is a "something bigger" that will not.

Every time I see our service men and women gathered together like that, I'm inspired to be better. To live out the biblical command that says, "Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, 'children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.' Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky as you hold firmly to the word of life." (Philippians 2:14)

We are called to live for something MUCH bigger, MUCH better. The standards are high, but anyone and everyone is welcome and able with the help of Him who calls us.

Laura Jean

Simmer Down Now!

Whew. Deep breath.

Okay. So we finally finished our move from Okinawa, our travel down to Arizona, up to Colorado, back to Arizona, and over to Las Vegas, Nevada. It took us about two months to get to a place where life is somewhat normal again... (Is life ever really normal?)

I've come to learn a few things. Life will not ever slow down. Over the past several years I kept thinking this very thought, "As soon as this part's over and things chill out a little, I'll ______." Well that never happens. In fact, it's only gotten faster! So until I'm much older and retired, I'm going to have to learn to balance it all. To say no. To prioritize. And to be aggressive in mastering time management and achieving my goals. A daunting task at times.

So where are we at? Well, we've settled (that's one of my least favorite words, by the way...) in a nice little apartment in Northwest Las Vegas. It's very sunny and although the air is dry, its a refreshing change from Okinawa's humidity. We've had a few visitors already. My parents and both of our brothers came out--with whom we had a FANTASTIC time. Miss them already.

Lil' Benjamin is growing so big! At our last doctor's appointment a few weeks ago, he came in at a whopping 13.3 pounds!



He's very strong. He stands for long periods of time while I hold his hands, and he's been doing what looks like crunches these past few weeks in effort to sit up. So cute!





He's all smiles when he's not hungry or tired, and he's beginning to make lots of giggly shrieking noises. My favorite!



I couldn't feel more blessed right now. Despite the hard work, the tiredness, the challenge to put my selfishness away, the testing of my patience... it's all totally and completely worth it. Who would have ever thought? :)

LJ

Scattered thoughts on LOVE...

Love. It’s a beautiful thing. I’m not sure many people experience the depth love has to offer. Not only does it bring butterflies and fast heart beats, but its very core brings a true calmness of the heart. The comfort of love negates the anxiety and craziness that life brings. It releases people to be who they really are, free of inhibitions and selfishness. It encourages us to give and be appreciative. It leaves us with the desire to be kind and open. It ignites tenderness and softness in our hearts. Love’s house harbors no walls, no bitterness, no insecurity. This is perfect love and it only exists in Christ.

One of my most favorite things about love is that its capacity has no limits. A great friend of mine recently posed the question, “What does it mean to put my husband before my child? Am I supposed to love my daughter less?” But this question implies that we only have so much love to give… a meter that can be emptied. Another friend of mine recently had another child. She told me that she wondered beforehand how she could possible love another child as much as she loved her first. Again, this mentality implies that our ability to love has limits.

Priority and love are two different things. Time and love are two different things. The truth is, we don’t have enough time for everything, and everyone cannot be our highest priority all the time. So we must be intentional. Intentional. We must live our lives purposefully if we want to have successful relationships, friendships, careers, lives.

Another friend of mine is trying to figure out if the man she’s with is the right one. They like each other. Sometimes. They want to love each other. They are trying. Why isn’t it falling into place? Why isn’t he pursuing her? Why doesn’t she feel safe with him? My question is: Should it really be this hard? I don’t think so. True love is passionate. It chases. It longs to give. Not every day, no. Because we are flawed. But most days, yes. We must never resign to living to please the self. That is a dangerous path that leads us further and further from love. One that leaves us alone.

But is it even realistic to live intentional, love-filled, selfless lives? If you look around the world and see all the devastated marriages, abandoned children, angry women, hurting men… one may say it is not possible. But I say it is. There’s a secret ingredient though. A key to unlocking the mystery of how it’s done.

Perfect love only exists in Christ.

No matter how badly we want to be the best mother, the best wife, the best boyfriend, or the best son, the reality is that we cannot do it alone. We simply can’t. We ARE selfish. We ARE flawed. We’d rather be chased than chase. We’d rather be served than serve. So we must learn how. And we must be intentional about doing so because it does not come naturally or happen by chance.

A friend of mine posted this on her Facebook the other day. “If you want to be loved, be lovable.”

Brilliant. I suspect Christ was lovable. In all his humility and strength, people flocked to him because he didn’t condemn or demand. He chased others no one would chase. He served others no one would serve. He never demanded to be served. Not once. He wasn’t prideful. He didn’t feel the need to prove himself or desire to shine. I can’t say the same for myself most days.

What a lesson in love we could learn by his example.

Trip Down Memory Lane

We went to the doctor today for a check-up. Benjamin weighs EIGHT pounds! I was so happy I could have jumped up and down right there in the office. :) Silly as it may be, there is something about each ounce and pound he gains that makes me feel proud. You see, I do my very best to keep my milk supply up and stuff him full at every opportunity.They told me that weight gain may be one of Benjamin's biggest challenges resulting from his prematurity. At times, this feels like a daunting task... like it's all I do. I exist to produce milk and feed it to Benjamin... So, needless to say, I cherish these moments of weight gain news.

After his appointment, we went upstairs to visit the NICU for the first and last time since he graduated over a month ago. They were so happy to see him again, and that made my heart smile. We pulled him out of his carseat and and passed him around, spreading the joy that only babies bring.

I came across this clever poem months ago while I was reading a book on premature infants. I'd like to share it with you as its perfect words echo the very thoughts and feelings that Mark and I experienced. Enjoy!



When I first saw you, kid, you were tiny and thin
And slimy and red and your head was mushed in.
I said to your mother, “He looks kind of sloppy,
And two pounds four ounces ain’t big for a crappie.”

But something about you, the look in your eyes,
Said you fully intended to grow to full size.
They slapped your backside and you let out a cry,
And I said, “We will keep him, at least we shall try.”

Some babies are born in nine months, by the clock.
Some babies are born, and they sit up and talk.
Some babies are born, and no doctor is there.
But some babies come in on a wing and a prayer.

Poor little fetus as big as your hand.
Poor little fish thrown up on dry land.
Who came in late April though he had till July,
Too small to live and too precious to die.

They shipped you downstairs to the big Neonatal
Intensive Care Unit’s computerized cradle
And attached you to wires and stuck you with tubes
Monitored closely by digital cubes.

And thanks to the latest neonatal therapeusis
And regular basting with greases from gooses
And hot chicken soup intravenously fed
You did not fade away but grew up instead.

We’ll always remember the months that you spent
With tubes in your head in the oxygen tent
And the mask on your face, the wires attached.
Sweet little baby who was only half hatched.

I’m sure you’ll grow up and mature and extend
To six feet six inches and become a tight end.
But I’ll always remember each doctor and nurse in
The NICU who helped make you a person.
The kid who crash landed, who was carried away,
Who survived it, this bundle we bring home today.

~ Garrison Keillor ~

Moving On...

Well, the time has come, friends.

We are being shipped out of Okinawa next month and will arrive in Las Vegas to begin our second tour of duty. Yes. My husband and my wee one are headed for none other than America's "Sin City". Las Vegas? Really? I didn't realize people actually lived there... I thought people just went to visit. ;) Aside from driving through, I've never even been there. At first, I was a little disappointed because it's all DESERT. First I left those amazing Rocky Mountains with sunsets unlike any other place in the world, and then came to this beautiful, lush, tropical island surrounded by amazing greenery and sparkling water. And now, we're off to the sandlands. That's... exciting.

But on second thought, it might be kind of fun! First and foremost, I'm looking forward to the many shopping options I'm about the have. Oh, how I've missed that. Secondly, there will be so many more places I can sing! Simply being in the states opens up so many doors that have been closed to us for a long time.

We never quite know why God takes us where he does, do we? Well, Mark and I prayed and prayed and asked God to take us where he wanted us. And we are sure that this was His decision and not just circumstance. We had a wish list of our own actually. And Las Vegas wasn't on it. There usually isn't a strong need for Mark's job in Vegas either. And there are plenty of other bases and hospitals that could give Benjamin the best care if he needed it. I firmly believe that when a believer asks God to take the reigns of his life, God happily complies and does not sit back idly and watch. There is way too much at stake. There is too big a mission field out there, and not enough people raising their hands.

Anyway, after some discussion, Mark and I are ready and willing to completely dive into our life at this new place and eagerly seek out the reasons God wants us there. Let the adventure begin. And it's gonna be a big one, folks. A big one.





Mark, Laura & Benjamin

Exerpts From My Diary: Surreal

He's amazing. Every time I look at him, I can't believe it. It's surreal really. Still. Even two months later. God is incredibly creative and powerful. How could I doubt Him? Sometimes I'm overcome with feelings of fear and intimidation... Is the baby breathing? Are we doing it right? Is he getting enough to eat? Today, I clipped his fingernails. They were too long and he was scratching his face. I accidentally clipped some skin off of his thumb. I felt awful! It was so, so sad. I think he forgives me though. His eyes can't lie, right?

This seems easy enough. The actual work anyway. Feed him. Change him. Cuddle him. Play with him. Now again. But my eyes are tired. My arms are tired. My brain can't think straight and driving has become hazardous at times. How can caring for this wee one be so exhausting? My heart is full of joy... and if I'm honest, feelings of sadness and heaviness at times. I think that's normal. Sometimes it feels so serious... to be completely responsible for another life. Scary and overhwelming. Too much really.

But I am not alone. See that's the lie.. that I'm alone. The truth is that God is in control and every single breath comes from Him anyway. He cares immensely about Benjamin and our family. He is, after all, our Great Protector. So why would I spend my time being afraid? That's not from Him.

"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." (Taken from Matthew 10)

“Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" (Taken from Matthew 7)



Had I known how incredible it would feel to have a small child as lovely and precious as Benjamin, I might have accepted the responsibility much sooner! See? God knew. He always does.

あけましておめでとうございます

Happy New Year 2011!

This is our family's very last Christmas and New Year celebration in Japan, so we decided to drag ourselves out of bed (what day is it again?!?) and bring 2011 in with some Karaoke!



Then, after stopping at Starbucks for some yummy hot chocolate, (yes, it's COLD in Okinawa tonight!) we rushed home in time to catch the countdown in Tokyo on Japanese television. When the clock struck midnight, we kissed and yelled "Happy New Year!" and then I tucked Benjamin into my coat and we all three stepped outside to watch the last of the fireworks being set off at Sunset Beach.

To count our blessings this night, it would take sheets upon sheets of paper...

LJ

All Planned Out

Well, I'm officially a full-time mommy now--complete with exhaustion, a little fear, and overwhelming joy and awe. We were able to bring Benjamin home for Christmas! Thus, it was a very merry one. :)



He's been home for a full week now. At his follow-up appointment, he weighed 5 pounds, 8 ounces! That's double what he weighed at birth.

The other day, someone at the store asked me how old he was. Granted, I realize he looks just two days old... so it was an odd moment when I answered that he is actually nine weeks old. "But he came very early," I said. In a way, it still makes me feel bad to say that. I guess I still battle feelings of guilt--as though it were my fault he was so premature. I'm sure that question will come up again and again over the next few months. I usually get concerned or sad looks when I reveal the fact that he was early. I read in a book that I'm allowed to just tell strangers his "corrected date of age" instead of going into details about his prematurity. But that doesn't yet apply... He's still three weeks shy of his due date. I can't go around telling people that he's actually not born yet and the baby they see is really just an illusion. They'd think I'm nuts! :) Mmmm... I'll ponder that one some more.



The truth is that God knew just what was going to happen. As much as his early birth was a shock for us and the rest of the world, doesn't mean that it surprised Him at all.

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb... Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Psalm 139:16, 18

I find peace knowing that our Great Protector was well prepared for what was to come.

Laura Jean

Life in the NICU

Today, Benjamin Anthony is two days shy of being eight weeks old. If he was still in the womb, I'd be 35 weeks pregnant... But now, he's just about to come home from his long, long stay in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit! I'll do my best to give you a glimpse of what our life has been like since his birth. This whole experience is unlike any I've ever had before... and my cup overflows.

Benjamin weighed just 2 pounds, 9 ounces when he was born and all of his systems were still immature. Luckily, I'd known since 22 weeks gestation that I was at risk of premature labor and was given steroids to help speed his development should he arrive ahead of schedule. Sure enough, he came at just 27 weeks and 3 days.



I had no idea what to expect. I was first able to see him a couple of hours after delivery. All I could see was his little body. All ten fingers and toes, and his tiny chest moving up and down with each breath. I felt like I couldn't really see his face because his eyes were covered with a mask to protect him from the phototherapy used to lower his biliruben levels (toxins in the blood that cause jaundice). He had so many wires and tubes covering his little body. He was hooked up to a ventilator for the first 24 hours to help him breathe; he had two lines inserted into the veins of the umbilical cord--one to feed him nutrients and another to continuously measure his blood pressure; he had an IV in his foot used for drawing blood; and monitors covering him to keep track of his breaths, heart rate, temperature and oxygen levels. It was extremely intimidating...



The first week was intense. We had to get used to constantly hearing the alarms and beeping noises of the NICU. It was hard not to be overly concerned each time his equipment notified the nurses of something. It was very unfamiliar. The day after he was born, the doctors happily reported that he had been breathing over the ventilator the entire 24 hours he'd been alive, so they confidently took him off of it and put him on Vapotherm--a heated mixture of humidity and oxygen to keep him comfortable and help him breathe. Then, a few days after birth, they discovered that he had a Patent Ductus Arteriosus or PDA. Simply put, an artery in his heart that should have closed shortly after birth hadn't. Treatment options included administering medication (indomethacin) or doing surgery. Surgery meant a long trip to Hawaii because there are no neonatal surgeons in Okinawa. We anxiously prayed and prayed that God would spare us from such risky travel and allow the medication to work. And he did! The PDA disappeared with two doses and God answered our prayer. I was able to hold him at four days old. Kangaroo Care they call it... holding him skin-to-skin. My heart almost melted right out of my chest.



The next several weeks were full of surprises. Benjamin only progressed, and with the exception of occassionally being put back under phototherapy, he never took a step back. He began metabolizing breastmilk through a tube in his tummy; he continued to gain weight; he required less and less oxygen and eventually moved off the Vapotherm and onto just the nasal cannula (room-temperature oxygen); he even began maintaining his own temperature. He no longer needed medicine, so they took the IV out. Each day seemed like more good news and it was hard to remember the words they told us, "Take each day one at a time... two steps forward, one step back."



Then, Thanksgiving Day, I noticed that Benjamin was acting rather cranky. He was irritable and having more episodes of bradycardia (extremely low heart rate levels). Preemies often experience bradycardia as a result of their immaturity, but he seemed to be having more than normal and even some apnea. The doctors also noticed that he wasn't acting like the same little boy, and did some tests only to discover that he had a urinary tract infection. It was so sad to see that IV go back in his little body. But a week of antibiotics seemed to do the trick and he was back to his normal self.



Soon after his UTI was resolved, he came off the oxygen completely; so that means that he's been able to breathe room air for weeks now! We were even able to start bottle feeding and finally the last tube came out. Now, he is wire-free and tubeless. :)



And, Grandma Marilyn came all the way to Okinawa to visit him!



With God's help, Benjamin has jumped over every hurdle in his way. Mark and I want to say thank you to all of you who have gotten on your knees for our sweet boy and lifted him up to the Lord; and for all your love and support and encouragement during this rough time. We are simply in love with him and in awe of God for even making little Benjamin a blink in our eye.

The doctor's hope to have him home sometime next week! Thanks again, and we'll keep you posted!

Mark & Laura