Not To Be Taken Lightly

by Laura Davis

As she headed out the door on her way to a concert that night, Rachel Conner, 14, got a call from her classmate’s mother. Conner knew her friend was sick, but everyone thought her 65-pound weight had something to do with a digestive disorder. As it turns out, she was suffering from anorexia nervosa.

“I was shocked,” Conner says. For the duration of their middle school years, Conner says her friend often called herself “too fat” and didn’t eat much when they were together. After learning of the disorder, the doctor put her friend through therapy to help her gain more weight.

In the following months, Conner occasionally asked her friend about it. “Every time we talk about it she says she isn’t doing it to herself,” Conner says. “It makes me really sad.”

The second time, her classmate’s father called. Less than a year had gone by, and her friend was back in the hospital—weighing below 70 pounds once again.

With the first day of school just around the corner, many teenage girls are anticipating how they will fix their hair, what outfit they will wear, and how they’ll cover up that zit that just keeps coming back. There is an unspoken rule in the air—one that begs each girl to do whatever it takes to have the “perfect image” as Conner and her peers call it.

The Pressure

Lauren Hunter, an incoming freshman at Standley Lake High School in Westminster, Colo., says out of all the expectations facing teenage girls today, “being skinny” is the biggest one.

Hunter’s best friend and classmate, Hannah Lynch, agrees.

By promoting everything from hair straighteners to mascara for longer eyelashes, “Everything in society breaks down everything original and sort of pushes you in a direction that will make you more attractive,” says 14-year-old Lynch. “As a community of girls, we strive to seem flawless…to be the main attraction.”

“Girls expect it from themselves when they see it everywhere,” Hunter says. “It’s all about acceptance.”

And it’s true that teenage girls do see it everywhere. According to the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders (ANAD), nearly 70 percent of girls between the ages of 10-18 say their view of the ideal body shape is largely influenced by magazine pictures. However, the typical body image portrayed in the media naturally occurs in only five percent of American females.

High school freshman Cassandra Garcia says she believes fashion trends and expectations are set by celebrities featured in magazines.

“Skinny jeans are totally in, I think it’s because a lot of celebrities wear them,” Garcia says. “It makes us want to look like them even though they’re airbrushed.”

But it’s not just magazines that influence appearance standards for teenage girls. Hunter and her friends list other factors, such as boys, music, television, and even parents’ expectations that help form their perspectives of the perfect image.

Flatirons Community Church Youth Leader, Paul Andrews, has 28 years of experience working with teenagers and four daughters of his own. Although the pressure facing freshman girls is new to them, Andrews says the demand to look beautiful has always been there.

“Women are always judged first based on their appearance because men are naturally wired to see that first,” Andrews says. “And women deep down have an incredible desire to be cherished and loved by men. So the fastest way to get that is to dress or look the part.”

But because of the technology teenagers have access to these days, the problem is getting worse, Andrews says.

“They are being pounded on a daily basis… at home with 300 channels, even on their cell phones,” says Andrews. “It’s everywhere. There’s a constant feeling of inadequacy and how they don’t measure up. They are constantly reminded of what they are lacking.”

The Effects

Appearance pressures facing high school freshmen today can be devastating.

Khampiane Keoeonexay, a teacher at The Manning School in Golden, Colo. describes some of the ways these expectations affect her students and how some of the girls handle them.

“It makes their priorities shift—school falls by the wayside and boys become priority,” Keoeonexay says. “Cutting, bulimia, anorexia—I see that with girls as young as middle school, as well as being withdrawn and depressed.”

In fact, the ANAD states that “over one-half of teenage girls use unhealthy weight control behaviors such as skipping meals, fasting, smoking cigarettes, vomiting, and taking laxatives.”

Youth Leader Andrews says one of the major differences he observes in teenagers entering high school is the change in priorities.

“Friends’ opinions begin to hold more weight than anyone else’s,” Andrews says.

He says he believes there is combination of factors involved. In middle school, pressures exist; but students are still closely tied to their parents. Upon entering high school however, students naturally begin to break away from their parents, Andrews says. Combine their independence with the pressure to be well-liked, and some girls begin to “sacrifice who they are.”

Lynch’s father, Michael, says he observes ways in which his daughter faces these pressures and how she handles it.

“I’ve seen her in different situations when she’s going to be out with friends,” Michael Lynch says. “She takes extra care in preparation. Just going to the mall she feels she has to be something more. I’ve also seen her with her parents alone and she has been depressed, feeling like she’s not accepted [or] beautiful enough.”

Watching his youngest daughter enter high school, Michael Lynch says he feels as though it’s a losing battle because, as parents, it seems “sometimes our voice is discounted because society has such a louder voice.”

The Solution

Teacher Keoeonexay says what’s important is “making sure they know there are more important things out there than being thin.”

“Kids need to build their self-esteem with better friends or events that inspire them,” Keoeonexay says.

14-year-old Conner says her parents and music help her remember what’s true about herself when she feels down.

“The music I listen to is rather self-empowering,” Conner says. “And my parents are really supportive. They compliment me and tell me I look beautiful. I don’t go a day without my dad saying, ‘You look so pretty.’”

Youth Leader Andrews advises parents with children going to high school this year to make sure they have other adult leaders in their lives to help reinforce what’s important.

“The more you hear the truth, the more you’re able to combat the lies.” Andrews says.

Hannah Lynch recommends that teenage girls look for the things about themselves they love. And if they can’t find any, she says they should talk to a trusted friend.

“You can find so many things wrong about yourself,” Lynch says. “But almost anyone else sitting there can come up with five more good things back at you.”

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