The Need For Support

by Laura Davis

His eyes fell to the floor and he let out a sigh as he heard those same words again. Inside he could feel his heart begin to beat faster and his temperature rise. Yes, they were broke. He already knew that. And he knew that he and his family were going to have to make some sacrifices. But when David Kruhmin’s father-in-law recommended that he drop out of college until they became more financially stable, he felt yet another blow against his dream.

Kruhmin is not alone. Many adult students choosing to continue their education lack support from their families or friends.

According to the National Center for Education Statistics, 44 percent of the nearly 3 million first-time degree seekers who enrolled in college in 2008 did not return the following year. There is no doubt a variety of challenges can unexpectedly creep up in the lives of students and interfere with their goals. In fact, numerous students struggle for years to find the strength they need to overcome these challenges--especially adult learners with many other responsibilities. But a solid support system can help.

Kruhmin attended college soon after high school, but following the first semester he dropped out. He says he lacked guidance from his parents and wasn’t sure what he wanted to pursue. Seven years later, married and working as a full-time operations specialist at Bank of the West, he decided to go back to college to pursue an electronic engineering degree with a focus in aviation.

In response to his decision, Kruhmin’s wife, Brianna, was frustrated and unsupportive. At the time, she was pregnant with their first child and says her initial thought was, “Great timing. You’ve had all this time and now we’re having a baby.”

Kruhmin says he understands some of the logic behind the discouragement his family gives, but for him, “It’s imperative to continue for two reasons: to provide for my family and because it’s a personal goal.”

Air Force wife Natalia Lewis, 26, has a similar mentality.

Lewis says she didn’t have the financial means to go to college right after high school, but four years and two children later she enrolled as a part-time student at the University of Maryland University College to pursue a degree in psychology.
Lewis also runs a full-time home daycare and says the hardest part about going back to school later in life is the time commitment—especially when her husband is deployed for several months at a time. She says all her responsibilities often overwhelm her and are making her college experience less enjoyable than she expected.

Despite those persistent challenges, Lewis says it’s important to her to press forward toward the goal. “How am I going to tell my kid to go to college when mommy didn’t?” she says.

“I’m the type of person that appreciates encouraging words,” Lewis says. “They help me keep motivated.” And it is in those overwhelming moments after multiple nights of only four hours of sleep that she thrives off of the encouragement from those around her.

Some students found the lack of support they received as teenagers affected their choices regarding college when the time came, and as a result, they did not pursue their dreams until many years later.

This past year, after a 10-year education break, actor Joseph Gibson enrolled in the Academy of Art University in San Francisco, Calif. He says he wishes he would have returned sooner, and probably would have if he’d had the support of his family early on.

“My adoptive mom was very discouraging…It killed my spirit,” says Gibson.
As a result of his experience, Gibson says a good support system is necessary because the motivation, inspiration and encouragement from others drives people to focus on their talents.

Gibson says he realizes students aren’t “always going to have a good support system—there are always people who will stop the support when they begin to feel envious and threatened, but you have to push on.”

Karen Richmond, an adult outpatient therapist for Arapahoe Douglas Mental Health in Colorado, confirms that the more support people have, the more able they are to make significant changes in their lives.

“There’s a lot of research that’s shown that the more healthy relationships we have, the more likely we are to venture out and become successful,” Richmond says.
While some students rely on encouragement from friends and family less than other students, they still value social support.

Recent graduate April Summers, 25, says she doesn’t think “cheerleading support” from her parents and her husband, or lack thereof, had the biggest impact on her accomplishment. Yet throughout her college experience, she says she often wanted to give up. Ultimately she had to figure out what she wanted and get it done, but more support would have been nice, Summers says.

Similarly, Toni Sutton, a 25-year-old college sophomore and new mother, advises students to build support for themselves if they don’t have it. “Seek out the encouragement you need,” she says. “You have to find it. It doesn’t just fall into your lap."

The college environment is a perfect place to start looking for that encouragement says University of Maryland University College Advisor Alaina Keener. She advises support-seekers to connect with the others in their classes because those students are in the same position and can understand where they’re at.

Keener also urges students to stay connected with the academic advisors and career service counselors at their schools. Those people are there to help students determine and remember their goals if they are having a hard time, she says.

Therapist Richmond also offers tips for helping students develop healthy social support systems. If a student is lacking confidence, she recommends finding a support group within a church or other community of people.

“Www.meetup.com can be a great resource for finding a good support group,” Richmond says. “Utilizing the resources out there to foster support is a good way to go if students aren’t getting it from their immediate community.”

Kruhmin has done just that. With a group he calls the “Monday Knights,” Kruhmin says he has developed a strong support system of other guys—all of whom are now college graduates and are willing to be honest with him while still taking his goals and dreams as seriously as he does.

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It's Not About Comfort

All 79 Airmen came decorated in their finest uniforms. Each one had endured a long and ruthless six-week training program that deprived them of sleep and time with their families. That $250 pay raise hadn't come easily. But all of them made it through and tonight we would celebrate their success.

Undoubtedly the most handsome man there, SSgt Mark Davis graduated ALS with the highest academic award and a distinguished graduate award. As he was making his way back to his seat with trophies in hand, multiple high-ranking officials made their way toward him to shake his hand and congratulate him with Air Force coins. I couldn't have been more proud.

I sat there in my new black dress and heels admiring these hard-working, humble men and women who serve our country with such pride. There is a specific environmental dynamic at every military event. Even though they all have a variety of jobs--from pilot to doctor to administrator--and everyone has their own beliefs and interests and friends, there's an overwhelming sense of unity. I'm often blown away by military members' willingness to sacrifice so much that I wonder why they're not all just walking around crying together and patting each other on the back. No, instead, it seems like they don't even think twice. The standard is what it is. The job requires XYZ and they just do what it takes to get it done.

The Air Force's core values are to hold to integrity first, service before self, and excellence in all we do. Those are pretty intense.

Jesus Christ maintained those same values. And he asks us to follow his actions and uphold them as well. In that, I'm reminded that life is not about being comfortable. In my own life, my prayers, my decisions, my complaints, my desires all center around my comfort. I just mentioned the word "my" six times. Yes, that is a direct reflection of what I'm talking about. I mean think about it. Aren't yours? How many times have you prayed these prayers: Dear God, please bless this food to our body; Please help us get there safely; Please allow me a good nights sleep tonight; Please help me feel better...

I don't mean to discount these prayers. Our loving Savior is ecstatic when we come to him at all, and he understands our nature. My point is how often we're praying for comfort and ourselves. Our thoughts, our feelings, our prayers revolve solely around us too much of the time.

And so I'm forced to ask myself...

When is the last time I got up in the morning determined to have an attitude of servanthood? That I consciously chose to put myself aside to serve another?

When is the last time I truly set out to serve my husband? To pay close attention to his needs? To pray for him?

When is that last time I looked outside my little house with my little family and group of friends to see who out there in the world is hurting and needs... a servant?

Being a part of the U.S. Military is an honorable job. And even though I'm just an Airman's wife, I'm often reminded of how good it feels to be part of something big, something good. How much greater a feeling to be part of God's kingdom! While at any time the Armed Forces of the good ol' USA could pass away or become corrupt, there is a "something bigger" that will not.

Every time I see our service men and women gathered together like that, I'm inspired to be better. To live out the biblical command that says, "Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, 'children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.' Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky as you hold firmly to the word of life." (Philippians 2:14)

We are called to live for something MUCH bigger, MUCH better. The standards are high, but anyone and everyone is welcome and able with the help of Him who calls us.

Laura Jean