Heaven on Earth

I am so thankful for my beloved babies. They have changed my whole game... my life as I knew it, my future as I anticipated it, my happiness as I saw it.

I am sharpened, calmed, centered, challenged, stretched, loved, encouraged, humbled, revealed, and made strong by Christ through His use of them in my life.

How I see the face of Almighty God so much more clearly after becoming a mother! What an indescribable, unforeseeable gift.

My darling Audrey challenges my limits as they are and points me toward what they righteously should be. She reminds me of innocent girlhood--that childlike imagination, seeing through a lens that reveals the world to be good, wholesome, and inspiring. The world is her oyster, and she loves waking up every morning. Even so, she is smart and intuitive. When I respond to her and embrace her little heart, I can visibly see her unfold and unwind until she has relaxed all of her weight into my embrace. These times are rare. And it's like watching a mirror image of myself as even a grown woman, letting all my walls down in the presence of El Roi. The God who sees.

I get her, I understand her. She makes me want to be a better person. A better woman. A better example.

My sweet baby Beau, who is not as baby as he is toddler anymore, is literally a little piece of heaven sent to me to hold and kiss and claim as my own. The pure emotion of love and happiness I feel when I am with him is very difficult to put into words. He is truly an extraordinary child. When Beau was three days old, a friend of mine told me that he is very peaceful and she wondered if that might be a God-given gift he'd harbor forever. I think she's on to something. His demeanor and expressions reflect a specific gentleness, softness, and sweetness. He reminds me that nothing is really as important as how we interact with each other... that the most important thing truly is that we love each other as God has called us to do. All else can wait. Our focus and attention throughout our lives should be on each other. Philippians 2.

I desperately wish he'd stay soft and squeezable forever. I could drown him in kisses everyday, I love him so much.

My firstborn son, Benjamin, reminds me to be kind with my words, humble in my heart and intentional in my teaching. He is eager for knowledge and incredibly tenderhearted. He is very busy in his little world, and while he may not be the first to ask for a soft-touch, he responds to one beautifully. He reminds me of the simplicity of human design and the basics of what we all crave--someone to see us for who we truly are and embrace us even more eagerly. In his tenderness, he challenges me to be tender. And he's not in a hurry. Ever. It is a blessed reminder. If God wanted to send me a tenderhearted, inquisitive 5-year-old boy to pull me out of my tunnel vision and remind me to slow down, then I accept. A thousand times.

My heart can't help but break a little when I remember this fallen world we live in. The things my children will see and hear...the battles they will have to fight. The other children out there who need a mommy who loves Jesus and a daddy who delights in them... It is, no doubt, the hardest reality for me to face now.

"When everything was hopeless, Abraham believed anyway, deciding to live not on the basis of what he saw he couldn't do, but on what God said He would do. " Romans 4:17

So I will not be caught up by the darkness of this world. Instead, I fervently pray for their souls, their hearts, their minds. That they seek the Lord with everything they have and follow Him all the days of their lives.

"She was deeply distressed and prayed to the Lord and wept bitterly. And she vowed a vow and said, 'O Lord of hosts, if you will indeed remember me and not forget your servant, but will give your servant a son, then I will give him to the Lord all the days of his life...'" 1 Samuel 1:10-12

This is my prayer. To give back fully that which He has given me. Three of them to be exact! May I always see them and treat them the way Jesus sees them and treats them. He is:

gentle
loving
firm
graceful
available
engaged
comforting
understanding
bold
righteous
soft
selfless
delighted by me
intentional
preparing me
joyful
safe
warm
refreshing
light
constant
present
whole

To be a better person, woman, friend, teacher, mommy--all I have to do is look to Him.