Heaven on Earth

I am so thankful for my beloved babies. They have changed my whole game... my life as I knew it, my future as I anticipated it, my happiness as I saw it.

I am sharpened, calmed, centered, challenged, stretched, loved, encouraged, humbled, revealed, and made strong by Christ through His use of them in my life.

How I see the face of Almighty God so much more clearly after becoming a mother! What an indescribable, unforeseeable gift.

My darling Audrey challenges my limits as they are and points me toward what they righteously should be. She reminds me of innocent girlhood--that childlike imagination, seeing through a lens that reveals the world to be good, wholesome, and inspiring. The world is her oyster, and she loves waking up every morning. Even so, she is smart and intuitive. When I respond to her and embrace her little heart, I can visibly see her unfold and unwind until she has relaxed all of her weight into my embrace. These times are rare. And it's like watching a mirror image of myself as even a grown woman, letting all my walls down in the presence of El Roi. The God who sees.

I get her, I understand her. She makes me want to be a better person. A better woman. A better example.

My sweet baby Beau, who is not as baby as he is toddler anymore, is literally a little piece of heaven sent to me to hold and kiss and claim as my own. The pure emotion of love and happiness I feel when I am with him is very difficult to put into words. He is truly an extraordinary child. When Beau was three days old, a friend of mine told me that he is very peaceful and she wondered if that might be a God-given gift he'd harbor forever. I think she's on to something. His demeanor and expressions reflect a specific gentleness, softness, and sweetness. He reminds me that nothing is really as important as how we interact with each other... that the most important thing truly is that we love each other as God has called us to do. All else can wait. Our focus and attention throughout our lives should be on each other. Philippians 2.

I desperately wish he'd stay soft and squeezable forever. I could drown him in kisses everyday, I love him so much.

My firstborn son, Benjamin, reminds me to be kind with my words, humble in my heart and intentional in my teaching. He is eager for knowledge and incredibly tenderhearted. He is very busy in his little world, and while he may not be the first to ask for a soft-touch, he responds to one beautifully. He reminds me of the simplicity of human design and the basics of what we all crave--someone to see us for who we truly are and embrace us even more eagerly. In his tenderness, he challenges me to be tender. And he's not in a hurry. Ever. It is a blessed reminder. If God wanted to send me a tenderhearted, inquisitive 5-year-old boy to pull me out of my tunnel vision and remind me to slow down, then I accept. A thousand times.

My heart can't help but break a little when I remember this fallen world we live in. The things my children will see and hear...the battles they will have to fight. The other children out there who need a mommy who loves Jesus and a daddy who delights in them... It is, no doubt, the hardest reality for me to face now.

"When everything was hopeless, Abraham believed anyway, deciding to live not on the basis of what he saw he couldn't do, but on what God said He would do. " Romans 4:17

So I will not be caught up by the darkness of this world. Instead, I fervently pray for their souls, their hearts, their minds. That they seek the Lord with everything they have and follow Him all the days of their lives.

"She was deeply distressed and prayed to the Lord and wept bitterly. And she vowed a vow and said, 'O Lord of hosts, if you will indeed remember me and not forget your servant, but will give your servant a son, then I will give him to the Lord all the days of his life...'" 1 Samuel 1:10-12

This is my prayer. To give back fully that which He has given me. Three of them to be exact! May I always see them and treat them the way Jesus sees them and treats them. He is:

gentle
loving
firm
graceful
available
engaged
comforting
understanding
bold
righteous
soft
selfless
delighted by me
intentional
preparing me
joyful
safe
warm
refreshing
light
constant
present
whole

To be a better person, woman, friend, teacher, mommy--all I have to do is look to Him.

Excerpts From My Diary: I Choose.

As I write, my sweet two-year-old Benjamin is laying in his bed for the night, singing the alphabet song to his stuffed animals before falling asleep. I can tell he's tired by the way his letters keep getting further and further apart.

It's right where I want to be.

I am exhausted.Worn out. Disheartened by my inability to be all places, in all roles, doing all things at once. I am beginning to realize how God uses motherhood as a humbling journey in my life. A continuous humbling experience that will likely never end. I welcome it. Why do I try so hard to do so many things and spread myself so thin? How I long to simplify my life. Leave my pride at the door. Fully trust that Christ will smooth my wrinkles and lift my burden. That He will meet the needs of those around me--as it is a lie that I could be capable of such a task. How I long to soak in the sweet pleasures my children and husband bring...

...The joy that seeps from Audrey as she lights up when I enter the room, and rushes as fast as she can on her unsteady feet to be in my arms. Benjamin, as he draws near to me and says, "Can I hold you, Mommy?" Mark, as he catches my eye and we share a second of unified bliss in the midst of the craziness. I desperately desire to bathe in these moments--to photograph them and write them down, as if to stamp them on my mind and heart forever.

It seems as though a thousand things and a thousand people are trying to steal these moments of joy and all the time I have--leaving me empty and dry and void of truth. The Word calls it the flaming arrows of the Evil One. He's really good at distraction from all things eternal. And I am juggling too many balls right now. My priorities are out of order. But I feel sandwiched, trapped. I need the strength of God and the words of the Holy Spirit to get me through. To seal my time for His will and purpose. To hide my memories and thoughts deep in my soul, only to be pulled out in opportune time.

I pray each night that God make me a better mommy. A patient mom, a playful mom, a kind mom, an intentional mom, a wise and respectful mom. I know that I am simply not these things. I'm just not. But He is. And He promises to give strength to the weary and direction to those who need it.

I choose to trust and accept grace. I choose to leave my pride at the door and say no to time thieves.

I choose.

Meet lil' Beau Vernon Davis

We had a big party planned for the afternoon of June 8th. Loads of guests were invited over to celebrate our 3rd pregnancy and to see our newly purchased house, in what was so cleverly being called a BabyQ. (Baby shower BBQ--hee hee!) Well, little did we know that the little tyke inside had his own party planned. (Or that he was a boy!)

So, we greeted a few of the early guests and ended up leaving for the hospital at 3:30p, only to have little Beau Vernon Davis at 4:34p. 

He weighed in perfectly at 6 lbs, 6 oz and measured 19 inches tall. He literally has the longest toes of any baby I've ever seen. I think he's going to be tall like his daddy. So here's to my third child--an amazing blessing and a symbol of the clear calling God has asked of me. Now I have triple the joy--Benjamin Anthony, Audrey Jean & Beau Vernon!

*Note: I realize it's been nearly two years since I blogged. We've had a lot happen since then... big moves, new babies, and new beginnings! This is the first time in a long while that I have had some down time and a sound mind to share my thoughts. Enjoy!